you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
