Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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