found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
