WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
