Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
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