He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I'm experimenting with sincerity
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
