Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
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Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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