Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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