don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
