I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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