That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
