I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
His hands were made for my vagina.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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