I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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