I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
