Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
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So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
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I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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