Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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