god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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