There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
