New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
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