I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
