4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
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