I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Randomize
