Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
