I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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