I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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