She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
