No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I believe in your delicious
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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