I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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