All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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