Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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