I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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