I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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