I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
