This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
