I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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