After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
