i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
