LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
