the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
