i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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