omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
So here I am, sexting at work.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
