So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Randomize
