whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
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