I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
