I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
