Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
