Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
i dont even know how to be here
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Randomize
