There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
