I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
