No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
