I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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