we're chasing vodka with high fives
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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