is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize