I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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