I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
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