Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
