I think I died a long time ago.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
