I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
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I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
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I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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