Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
